Politely declining invitations is a helpful tool to have in your communication toolkit.

Particularly as your language and communication skills improve, more opportunities to do things will arise, such as invitations.

Being about to politely decline invitations, protects your time while also ensuring that you keep your relationships healthy.

Here are the strategies:

Do Not Apologize

There’s no need to apologize or say sorry if we cannot make an event. Over-apologizing is a communication issue that can be addressed (see our video about it here).

Save “I’m sorry” for the times that you actually want to apologize.

Not being able to come to the social event and having to politely decline an invitation is not a good enough reason to apologize. It’s no big deal! As long as you politely decline the invite, there’s nothing to be sorry about.

Over-apologizing is something that happens a lot and is not necessary so be mindful about it.

Explain that you have plans.

You can say “I would love/like to but…” if you really do want to accept the invitation at a later date. Taking a rain check shows your interest but shows that you are not able to make it this time around. You are not completely rejecting the person. 

No Need to Elaborate

Do not feel pressured into providing an elaborate explanation for why you can’t make the event and why you must turn down the invitation. 

Sometimes we might feel guilty saying “no” and we compensate for that guilt by coming up with a long explanation for why we can’t make it. 

No need to go into detail about why you can’t make it.

It’s good practice to keep things short and simple.

The more excuses you give can make it look like you’re being dishonest or have something to hide, when that is not the case.

People respect it when you keep it short.

Saying “I can’t make that this time around. Maybe next week” without saying why keeps the conversation on track and prevents them from probing more and forcing you to change your mind or plans.

Provide an Alternative

Say you are busy the next two weekends, you can take a rain check and suggest an alternative. Or you can invite them to something. Tell them when you are free and give a counter invitation.

It’s building on “I’d love to but” because by inviting them to something new, it shows you are genuine about wanting to spend time with them.

This is an opportunity to present an alternative in doing something that you are interested in doing. By proposing it, you are showing you want to do something with them if the timing were different and if the activity were different.

It’s a win-win because you’re happy and they’re happy.

Be Honest

A good rule of thumb to be honest, always. Let’s say the activity they propose is something you decline because you do not know how to do. For example, if they invite you on a ski trip, you may politely decline the invitation simply because you do not know how to ski and you have no interest in learning at that point in time. Just say so, Be honest about not knowing how to ski. You don’t need to impress anyone.

And you can always propose a counter-invitation by choosing a time and activity that work for you.

Being transparent shows that you are an honest person. That will demonstrate that the person can trust you. Even when presenting your honesty in the form of rejection it shows that you have nothing to hide. It also puts some closure on the conversation. It shows you are not trying to make up something or come up with an excuse.  

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Try these strategies the next time you need to politely reject an invitation.

When you decline an event in a kind and polite way, the person will respect you and you will also protect your time.

Don’t be afraid to say no. You need to protect your time and save it for spending time with people you want to spend time with.

Thanks for joining us and we’ll see you in another conversation.

Happy Advanced English Learning!

About the Author and the Explearning Academy:

Mary Daphne is an expert in communication, executive skills and professional development. She is the founder of the Explearning Academy, a platform dedicated to helping individuals enhance their social fluency, boost their careers, and elevate their social game. Through immersive group coaching programs like the Executive Communication Lab and self-guided journeys, participants gain the social superpowers and career catapults they've been searching for. If you're ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level and connect with like-minded individuals, visit academy.explearning.co and explore the various plans available. Join the Explearning Academy community and unlock your full potential.

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