Have you ever blurted out something only to instantly regret it?
Maybe it was said in haste, maybe it was said incorrectly, maybe it was said without thinking.
I’m going to teach you how to buy yourself some time to think so that you can carefully craft what you’re going to say without regretting anything afterwards.
Let’s get right to it.
One More Time
Ask them to repeat what they had just said. This might be a question, an opinion, or a comment.
It doesn’t matter if you understood the first time they said or asked this. The point is, you are asking them to repeat it so that you have time to think and produce a response.
You might say:
- Say that one more time, please?
- Could you repeat that?
- Didn’t hear you, say it again for me?
- Would you mind repeating that question again?
Paraphrase It
Paraphrasing is a great way to buy yourself thinking time while also getting confirmation that you understood correctly.
Miscommunications happen to native English speakers too, and sometimes we would benefit more from getting confirmation that we’re on the same page as the speaker is.
When you paraphrase, you are repeating the same meaning but in your own words. So you’re not saying the exact same thing as what the speaker said or asked, but changing the words a bit without changing the meaning.
When you paraphrase, you’re doing two things:
- You’re checking in with the speaker that the meaning got across
- You’re giving yourself time to think about what they said and how you’ll answer
Clarify It
Every now and then the speaker is not clear. This goes for native English speakers, too. Sometimes communication is confusing and it needs clarification.
When you ask the speaker to clarify by asking a clarifying question, it forces them to restate their comment or question. And this also gives you time to process their message and respond accordingly.
Some examples of clarifying questions start with what, why, where, and how:
- What do you consider to be effective social media strategies?
- Why do you think we should use YouTube for discovery?
- Where can those marketing plans take the company?
- How did you decide on these strategies?
Room to Pause
Pause is a great way to buy yourself some thinking time. And there is no need to be afraid of silence.
Some communicators feel pressure to fill every bit of airtime with speaking due to a fear of silence.
Silence is good because it gives some room for the speaker to think before saying the next thing. And it is also important for the listener because it gives them time to process the information that has just been presented.
Allow yourself a few seconds of silence during the conversation.
A few seconds might feel like an eternity when the spotlight feels like it’s on you, but it’s a lot shorter than it feels.
Ready to Respond
Now that you’ve used any one of these strategies you should be ready to respond.
You might also find pairing up on the strategies can give you even more thinking time.
For example, you can ask a clarifying question and also pause. You can also ask them to repeat and then follow up with a paraphrase.
As you can tell, using these strategies will improve your communication as well as help the listener communicate better as well.
With this simple framework, you will dramatically improve the quality of your responses. That might be in a meeting, a casual conversation, an interview, or on stage.
When you sound good, you feel good, and people respect you. So I really encourage you to commit this one to memory and let it become second nature.
I’ll see you in the next lesson!
Keep up the good work advancing your English :)
About the Author and the Explearning Academy:
Mary Daphne is an expert in communication, executive skills and professional development. She is the founder of the Explearning Academy, a platform dedicated to helping individuals enhance their social fluency, boost their careers, and elevate their social game. Through immersive group coaching programs like the Executive Communication Lab and self-guided journeys, participants gain the social superpowers and career catapults they've been searching for. If you're ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level and connect with like-minded individuals, visit academy.explearning.co and explore the various plans available. Join the Explearning Academy community and unlock your full potential.
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